As part of the new teachers/lecturers deal we are being offered £500 towards the cost of a new computer. A laptop would make ideal sense but we have been given certain criteria to meet - basically an all singing all dancing one from certain retailers.
I personally, would like good visuals/graphics,mouse connector (hate the pad thing!), internet access, DVD and a connector so that I could run visuals through a TV monitor if possible. I can't affort much (probably under a £1000). Am I asking the impossible? What would you recommend as good value?

That should be possible. All normal (i.e. not sub-) notebooks will have an external mouse port and many will have a TV out for connection to a large display. And DVD-ROM drives are pretty cheap too. Under a grand should be possible, but you may have to look at the smaller brands for that. No particular recommendation, but try to look before you buy to check that it seems robust enough to last a while. Generally, the smaller, cuter ones don't last as long as the bigger, cheaper, chunkier ones.
Alex